Heaven in Hell
by Amazon Bunny
Summary: Fairly long, angsty poem of Raine's thoughts years after Kratos left on Derris Kharlan. major Kraine. Very sad poem, read at your own risk. Oneshot


HEAVEN IN HELL

* * *

Amazon Bunny: Well, this is sorta my first attempt at poetry on Nyahahaha, Kraine, as usual. This is very very sad, and so very sweet. So bittersweet, I guess. Warning: gore and character death! Can't say I didn't warn you! lol

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

HEAVEN IN HELL

Thought you probably never knew this  
I admired you from afar  
you're my "one in a million"  
my grain of sand in the sea  
a rare find, you were  
you made my heart felt something new  
made it beat madly  
gave me my breath of life  
When you would look in my eyes  
I stopped breathing  
my knees trembled  
When you spoke to me  
my throat clamped up tight  
my voice a high squeak  
but now you're gone  
far far away  
and I know I most likely won't see you  
ever again in this life  
and I know when we die  
you'll be with her again  
never me  
never me  
I just wish you could've known.

Two hundred years have passed  
so much has happened since then  
old friends have come and gone  
family raised a family  
All this time I've been alone  
plastering a smile on my face  
underneath it all I'm lost  
A dead soul in a living body  
A lost cause, an empty shell  
You used to make me feel alive  
like I really had a purpose  
to live in this cruel cold world  
I used to feel needed  
I used to feel loved  
You whittled a heart into my heart  
a heart I could call my own  
And then you went and left me  
and broke my happy heart  
for some stupid stupid planet  
a comet in the sky  
now I lay forgotten  
like a favorite item thrown away  
left to rot  
left to die  
If only I could die...

My eyes are getting blurry  
stinging with all the tears  
empty whiskey bottles  
lays in shards at my feet  
I hiccup and draw a blade across my wrist  
and feel the blood seep through my skin  
If only I could control this pain  
the pain that you have caused  
Red blood stains the tiles red  
the whiskey bottles painted with  
my tainted, tainted blood  
I can't go on, I know this now  
in this unforgiving damnation  
of eternal pain and suffering  
that no one else can stop  
more slashes cause more blood to spill  
on this lonely, starry night  
I stumble to the forest where  
I know you last stepped  
My eyes are fogging  
my life slips fast  
I wish I could have seen you  
before I become the past  
Alas, I fall to my knees  
the world begins to swirl  
I worship the ground you stepped on last  
I pray that you'll remember me  
A friend, a secret admirer  
someone special in your life

The world I know has faded  
my wings and halo gained  
There you are on your world  
and you are by yourself  
An angel just like me  
you can see my spiritual glow  
a translucent being  
drifting toward you  
The fear and surprise in your eyes  
you question me endlessly  
"what happened to you" and "I missed you so"s  
can't bring me back, I know  
You see my wrists and my bloody clothes  
and you start to see the truth  
my suicide to see you again  
just before I go  
Your tears start to flow  
as I kissed your lips  
and told you not to cry  
You tell me again that its all your fault  
something I can't deny  
I stayed silent, and kissed you again  
and say "I know I'll never be yours"  
because he still belonged to another  
and I couldn't make him mine  
Your tears still flow freely  
your stammer your apology  
yet you know I can't come back  
You know your faults  
You know your sins  
And you know you caused my death  
I tell you that I still love you  
so you should live your life  
But then he cried "I loved you too,  
so why did you throw it all away"  
This came unexpectedly  
Then I knew he spoke the truth  
I told him it was to see him again  
because I never could  
he begged me to take him too  
his life now was meaningless  
by killing me I had killed him  
And I knew he won't come back  
I knew my faults  
I knew my sins  
I knew I caused his death  
and that was all I knew  
My time was up  
I floated away  
to the large and golden gates  
the angel searched the book and said  
"your name is not in this book"  
I asked him why, I asked him how  
he said it was because  
to kill yourself you commit a sin  
more grave than anything else  
"Your place is hell for the deed you've done"  
the angel told me darkly  
"this sacred place is not for you  
not this life, not anytime soon"  
So down I went  
through flames and fire  
to the wretched bowels of hell  
the place I deserved  
the place I supposed to be  
the place for the likes of me

The devil laughed and told me I  
was one who deserved to suffer  
He placed his hand on my head  
and visions came to my mind  
I saw Kratos again  
at my last scene  
cold, misty eyes upon my body  
tears sliding down his face  
a sharp blade in his hand  
He drew it across his wrists  
and drew it across his neck  
blood spurted out  
he collapsed to the ground  
his dying word I'll not soon forget  
"Raine, I'm coming for you, Raine"  
was etched across my mind  
I screamed in terror  
as he drew his last breath  
and his body grew cold and limp  
he held me close  
he held me tight  
and then and there he faded  
sitting up against a tree with  
my limp body in his  
the devil laughed and said to me  
"just look at what you've done"  
I cried and cried  
at his demise  
Just look at what I've done  
I took his life  
His beautiful life  
and caused him so much pain  
The devil said again  
"There's more to see" and  
the thoughts flooded my mind again  
There he was, at the gates  
the angel standing guard  
that angel said calmly to him  
"Your name is in this book"  
He pleaded to be let through  
and said "Raine isn't in there  
to kill yourself is the greatest sin  
one great enough for hell  
so if Raine is there then so should I  
I know it's only fair"  
The golden gates opened up  
but he stood stubbornly there  
"I'm not going" he said again  
"I'll meet my twisted fate"  
I begged and begged for him to stay  
in a heaven I could not  
I knew Anna was there  
I knew Lloyd was there  
Heck, I knew everyone was there  
Everyone but me  
"It is your choice" the angel said  
and pointed to the clouds  
Kratos took his lead and peered over  
to the dark and hazy abyss  
"She's down there" he assured himself  
and plunged over the edge  
I screamed and told him to go back  
but inside I knew it was too late  
This was hell, I told myself  
these visions couldn't be true  
a lie it all was  
a fantastic lie  
He couldn't kill himself...

Later in the dark bowels  
a hellish guard came to say  
There was a visitor for me, he said  
the cavern doors opened up  
and Kratos walked up to me  
The guard retreated  
we were alone  
in this fiery inferno  
"I came for you" he said softly  
and swept me up in his arms  
I cried and told him heaven was his place  
he belonged there and I didn't  
I was twisted, I was evil  
I wished he had knew his pain  
It all spilled out  
he listened quietly  
and told me he understood  
I told him I was a worthless halfelf  
one who wished him ill  
when he had seemingly left her  
and now she knew the truth  
She no longer wished him ill  
I told him that this worthless elf  
wanted him up in heaven  
He said to me "I want to be here  
I want to be where you are"  
With that he kissed me  
gently, passionately  
Then I knew I'd be alright  
He was my heaven in hell.

* * *

Amazon Bunny: So how was it? Sad? Angsty? DOWNRIGHT HORRIBLE! Feel free to leave any comments. Kraine haters, stay outta my reviews! I warned you about the pairing, no need to bash or flame because that's just plain rude. 


End file.
